the case for just putting your s**t out there
Perfectionism has been beating my ass, lately… and for years. I used to resist the label of “Perfectionist”. When I thought of what a perfectionist was I had the image of a Type-A Valedictorian girlie who had no struggles with being on time for her packed schedule, was impeccably organized and basically lived in a model home level clean space. Nothing like me and my messy ADHD life of doom piles, dishes in the sink and forgetting what I walked into a room for.
Imagine my surprise when I realize that perfectionism can also come in the form of not starting projects or tasks until the conditions are juuuuuust right. And not wanting to do a task if you aren’t perfect at it the first time. And if the conditions aren’t right? Or you struggle to get the task done in anyway? Then too hell with it, there’s no point.
Do you understand how counter intuitive to progress that can be?! My logical mind knows that you have to get through the error part of trial and error if you want success. And that to get good at anything you have to actually DO the thing, studying until you’ve gathered all the information is only so helpful. There’s an infinite amount info and I’m just holding myself back. Via perfectionism, fear, not wanting to be perceived.
But something else inside of me is absolutely ACHING to create and to put my creative force on display for the world. This is my first step. My first post on a personal website that I intend to be a landing space for all the many many things I’m interested in. My own corner of the internet. It’s ugly right now. Nowhere near what I want it to be…but it exists. It’s here and so and I